WASHINGTON - - People here are giddy with delight. They have caught two guys in the sniper shootings.
We don't even care that much if they are exactly the right guys. At this point, any guys will do.
It seemed for a while that we couldn't catch anybody.
People were going around asking: In the old days, didn't we use to catch bad people? Didn't we use to lock them up or shoot them down or something like that?
I seem to remember that we did. They would get put in handcuffs and lead away as flashbulbs popped in their faces or else they would get laid out on slab somewhere.
I am talking about people like Al Capone, John Dillinger, John Wayne Gacy, Ted Bundy.
Even world leaders could not escape our wrath. Manuel Noriega used to be hot stuff down in Panama. But for the last 10 years, he has been locked up in a federal prison in Miami.
Today, we have trouble catching people.
Take Osama bin Laden. Please. He was, according to our president, evil personified.
And we were not going to rest - - not for one minute! - - until we had him dead or alive.
How much do you hear the president talking about him today?
Not much. Not at all, in fact. Today, we are talking about getting Saddam Hussein because at least we know where he lives. (Though it must be pointed out that when we had a chance to get him in 1991, we didn't take it.)
And what about the anthrax killer? Remember him? Killed five people, injured 18, caused 35,000 to get inoculated and screwed up the Post Service for months.
Where is he? Hasn't been arrested yet.
Or how about that guy who we think is the Olympic bomber, Eric Robert Rudolph?
We have been hunting him for more than four years - - he is on the FBI's Most Wanted List - - and have spent nearly $30 million on his manhunt.
But we haven't got him.
I mention all this not because I think law enforcement can be perfect, but because on TV it is better than perfect. Turn on any of the cop shows.
First there are the "evidence" shows. These feature people who work for the police or coroner's office, every one of whom is a genius.
They can take a look at a blood stain and say, "Caucasian female, age 27, size 6 triple A shoe, liked romance novels and quiet walks by the beach."
Or they dig a bullet out of a wall and say, "This was fired at 5 p.m. Friday from a passing car, probably a late model BMW or Lexus, driven by a left-handed man wearing Old Spice."
The other police shows are the "law and order" shows, where one thing happens over and over again each week without fail: A prosecutor or police captain will turn to the cops in front of him and say, "Pick up the boyfriend. I think he knows more than he is saying."
And the cops go out…and find him! Just like that! He is either at work or at home. And the cops just ride out and pick the guy up.
In real life, we seem to have a "finding him" problem.
In real life, it seems that criminals don't want to be found.
But in the Washington area, they now have grabbed two guys. And everybody here feels the same way:
I don't care what they did, just hold onto them!
SAN FRANCISCO - - If you go to New York, people there are talking about the lousy economy and the fear of terrorism.
If you go to Washington, people are talking about the lousy economy and the November election.
If you go to San Francisco, people are talking about the lousy economy and the homeless.
People in San Francisco always talk about the homeless. A problem in other citys, the homeless are an obsession here.
Last month, according to the San Francisco Chronicle, a poll showed San Francisco voters overwhelmingly believe homelessness is the citys No. 1 problem.
San Francisco mayors always promise to do something about the homeless, but they never seem to get around to it.
One reason is that the problem has so many dimensions: It is a housing problem, it is a mental health problem, it is a political problem.
Unlike in other cities, the homeless of San Francisco have very vocal, very well organized, very powerful advocates.
And when anyone tries to take anything away from the homeless, the advocates scream bloody murder.
What can you take away from a homeless person?
Well, according to the Chronicle, a number of the 8,500 to 15,000 homeless people in the city (homeless people are hard to count) receive between $320 and $395 from the city each month in general assistance payments.
That may not seem like a lot, but consider that many of the homeless are not paying any rent, and are not even using the money for food - - they panhandle for that - - but use it for alcohol and drugs.
As the newspaper points out, the police seize more narcotics on the first and the 15th of each month when the welfare checks are issued, and San Francisco General Hospital emergency room workers say they see more heroin overdoses on the same days.
The city spends $104 million per year on services for the homeless.
But wait a second. If you are homeless, how does the city send you a check twice a month?
In other cities, this might be a problem. But not in San Francisco.
Here, the city sends your check to one of the many check-cashing shops that dot the poorer areas, where the checks can be cashed for about a 3 percent fee. (And where the homeless line up at dawn to get their money.)
Some in the city want to reduce the direct payments to the homeless and use the money to guarantee them affordable housing and other social services.
But some homeless advocates are dead set against this.
You need money to buy food, toothpaste, soap, transportation, a cell phone, said Sister Bernie Galvin, a Catholic nun who heads the Religious Witness with Homeless people.
A cell phone? Did she say taxpayers should give hundreds of dollars each month to homeless people so they can have cell phones?
Yes!
We hired someone three weeks ago who was living in a shelter, Sister Galvin said. We could not have reached him to offer him the job if he didnt have a cell phone.
What kind of calling plan homeless people deserve has not been specified. Free weekend minutes? Free long distance? No roaming?
San Francisco is an area that prides itself on tolerance and liberalism and that accounts for much of the power the homeless have.
Some taxpayers, who, in order to get in and out of their homes and businesses, have to step over the homeless each day, are afraid to complain for fear of being branded intolerant and - - worst of all in this town - - elitist.
Just how powerful are the homeless?
More than 35 proposals to help solve the homeless problem were introduced by members of the Board of Supervisors in San Francisco this year. Hardly any have been brought to a vote.
Why?
Because the homeless and their advocates dont want the money spigot turned off.
And who can blame them?
Youd have to be nuts to turn down a free cell phone.