ROGER SIMON COLUMN
APRIL 13, 2005
SIMON SAYS:
I think anybody who can spell Kyrgyzstan deserves to be its new leader.
It takes a lot of courage to puff and puff on a balloon until it pops.
Far and away the best all-female a capella choir I have ever heard is Harvard's "Fallen Angels." (A capella either means "without musical accompaniment" or "outdoors," I always forget which.)
Don't you always feel goofy after the flight is over and you lurch up from your airline seat to grab your suitcase from the overhead bin - - and discover you haven't unbuckled your seatbelt?
I was all set to vacation in Iceland when that country made Bobby Fischer, the hate-mongering fugitive and former chess champion, a citizen. Now I may go to Antarctica instead.
Does anyone ever put anything in that little "fifth pocket" in your blue jeans? And how many times have you forgotten whatever you put in there when you throw the jeans in the wash?
Half a billion Twinkies are produced each year in America. And I have a feeling only a few hundred people eat them all.
Careful watchers of Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds" will note that Tippi Hedren is left-handed.
I don't believe there is a human being in America who knows how to activate the V-chip in his TV.
What's with the people who refuse to use the moving walkways in airline terminals? Are they just showing off? Don't they know how much fun it is to walk fast on a moving walkway?
Thanks to Jeff "Always-Ahead-Of-the-Curve" Zeleny for pointing out that if you go to www.google.com/maps, enter an address and click on "satellite" you can see some pretty cool satellite photos. He tried it with success on 801 Grand Avenue, Des Moines, the site of a famous restaurant frequented by politicians, the press and anyone with a very large and ill-monitored expense account. I tried it on my boyhood home, 7840 S. Yates, Chicago, and it worked pretty well. Also 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, is in there. I'll bet the Russians used to have to pay a fortune for this stuff.
And speaking of Google, when is the last time you used a real phonebook?
People who emphasize the first syllable of "umbrella" should be beaten with sticks.
Two reasons professional tennis has collapsed: a shortage of interesting stars and all that grunting. Grunting has ruined tennis. You just can't listen to hour after hour of it.
This may be a highpoint for pro-Catholicism in the United States due to the personal magnetism and achievements of Pope John Paul II. But Harvard's Richard Parker, who teaches religion, pointed out to me the other day that the United States only established diplomatic relations with the Holy See under the presidency of Ronald Reagan. Took us a long time in other words. And if you really want some interesting information, go to adherents.com and check out the U.S. presidents section. Though Catholics are the largest religious denomination in the United States with 26 percent of the population, they have produced only one president. Episcopalians are only 1.7 percent of the U.S. population, but have produced 11 presidents.
Contrary to popular belief, a train will come sooner if you stare hard enough down the track.