ROGER SIMON COLUMN
FOR JULY 11, 2005
SIMON SAYS:
Pinatas are seldom worth the effort.
Who cares if China buys the American oil company, Unocal? I say make the Chinese buy Amtrak and the Postal Service, too. Let them lose their shirts instead of us.
Oh, grow up and buy a headboard. You're not in college anymore.
Although they are always hilarious in the New Yorker cartoons, do stores still have "Complaint Departments"?
It's a fact: Nobody has ever left a job without taking office supplies.
If you remember when light switches turned on and off with a loud click, you are getting pretty old.
Let me say this right up front: If nominated to the U.S. Supreme Court, I will not accept. If confirmed, I will not serve.
I don't believe anybody really uses picture-in-picture on their TV.
Is there anything as good as a frozen margherita?
It is true: the Grand Canyon is one of the few things in life that won't disappoint you.
Do you think the people who drive Hummers realize how much they are loathed?
People who cheat at solitaire will cheat at anything.
How come hotels don't put those "sanitized" strips across the toilets any more? Did too many people forget to take the strips off?
I don't care what anybody says: I still like Jerry Lewis.
A question young singles often ask themselves: If I have a crock pot, do I really need a spouse?
Why do they make the commercials so much louder than the TV shows? Don't they realize it annoys people?
Some day you will clean the tracks of your shower door. But not today.
I have never gotten one, but I have a feeling a pedicure would be worth the money.
Why are hotels spending fortunes providing fancy music systems for their guests when most guests would just prefer a quiet room?
I don't think anybody really knows which way to pronounce desultory.
In "xoxo", which are the hugs and which are the kisses?
Just admit: All these new, fancy smaller SUVs are just station wagons.
Something I learned this week that is probably not worth knowing: the term "duffel bag" comes from the cloth produced in the Flemish town of Duffel..
Paperback Pick of the Month: "The Island at the Center of the World: The Epic Story of Dutch Manhattan and The Forgotten Colony That Shaped America" by Russell Shorto in which we learn that we can thank the Dutch for the words boss, cookie, coleslaw and Springsteen.
If you had to, could you put your hands on your high school diploma right now? Would you even know where to look?
There are only two types of people in the world: those who tear the bandage off in one swoop and those who eek it off. They usually marry each other.
Remember pencil boxes? With that little slide thing on top that was supposed to do multiplication tables? Whatever happened to those?
"Being Bobby Brown" on Bravo may be the most astonishing show on television. But not in the way Bobby Brown and his wife, Whitney Houston, intended.
It seems to me the chief purpose of hurricanes is so TV reporters can stand in front of a camera and get wet. If more than one of them gets wet, it's called "team coverage."
Posted by rsimon at July 11, 2005 01:22 PM