ROGER SIMON COLUMN
NOVEMBER 2, 2005
WASHINGTON - - It was one of those glossy advertisements that litter your mailbox and get thrown away almost immediately.
It came from a national chain of tire stores. I think maybe I got a new tire at one of their outlets once when I got a flat that was so bald it wasn't worth repairing.
The store was exactly what you would expect: Guys wrestling tires on and off cars, the staccato sound of air wrenches, the heavy smell of vulcanized rubber.
I can't remember if they gave me a free ice scraper when I bought the tire. Maybe.
Anyway, I now held their glossy ad in my hand and looked at their latest offer.
If I bought "ANY set of 4 tires," they would give me a free BlackBerry.
I have never associated heavy, automotive objects and high-tech communication devices, but this is a tire chain that clearly has done some market research.
And their research has apparently shown them that people will do pretty much anything - - including buying four tires that they may or may not need – in order to get a BlackBerry. (The flyer also offered a free Motorola RAZR instead of a BlackBerry, but who would take a cell phone over a BlackBerry?)
The BlackBerry - - often called a CrackBerry because of its addictive nature - - is an e-mail device. It does other stuff, including make cell phone calls, but people get hooked on the devices because they can easily read their e-mails all day long.
As I wrote some time ago, BlackBerries are labor-saving devices that increase your workday from 8 hours to 18.
Even though a major lawsuit is now raging that raises questions about the future of the BlackBerry in this country, the device has become so popular that dire stories have already appeared about the damage they can cause. (Whenever anything becomes really popular in this country, it always leads to a story that says it can't be good for you.)
The Associated Press ran a story on Oct. 20 about something called "BlackBerry Thumb."
"If you're trying to type 'War and Peace' with your thumbs, then you're going to have a problem," said Alan Hedge, director of the Human Factors and Ergonomics Laboratory at Cornell University in Ithaca, N.Y.
(Personally, I would suggest not even trying to read "War and Peace" let alone type it.)
And when things become really, really popular in this country, it leads the media to commit sociology and examine how the new objects have (invariably for the worse) changed our lives.
At a website called pinstack.com, I found a posting on "Basic BlackBerry Etiquette" by Andreas Wiebe. It appears to be a guide to using your BlackBerry without having the people around you murder you:
Do:
1. Keep the ringer on vibrate as much as possible (always if possible)
2. Remove your earpiece when speaking to a person in front of you
3. Check with establishments regarding rules on cell phone use (some restaurants forbid them)
4. Pull off the road when you absolutely must answer a message or phone call
5. Keep phone conversations as short as possible, you'll save money in the long run
Don't:
1. Answer messages/phone at museums or churches
2. Answer messages/phone while driving
3. Walk and Type (you'll walk into somebody or something)
4. Leave the ringer on loud in a restaurant
5. Talk too loudly – Respect the people around you
6. Put your BlackBerry on the table at restaurants/bars/lounges (it's disrespectful to the people you are with, and you might forget it when you leave)
7. Answer unimportant calls/messages at the Gym
Those are actually a dozen good rules to live by, which is not to suggest that BlackBerry users live by them. They don't.
I said the main purpose of a BlackBerry is to get e-mails, but the secondary purpose is to make other people jealous that they don't have one.
If you are one of those people, you have but two choices: Either change your attitude or change your tires.