My favorite restaurants are the ones where they say, "Keep your fork."
They have a million and one uses, they are virtually free and soon nobody will remember them. What are they? Those nifty plastic film canisters.
Does anybody still read J.D. Salinger? They should.
I have never seen a person actually dunk a Dunkin' Donut.
What are the chances that all those weather radar pictures on TV are totally made up?
A true-life adventure: I go to a movie and a guy sits down right in front of me. I normally would not care -- it's stadium seating; I only go to theaters that have stadium seating -- but the guy has this hair sticking straight up from the back of his head and I know it will drive me crazy throughout the whole movie. So what would you do?
1. Reach over and surreptitiously pat down the hair.
2. Tap the guy on the shoulder and ask him to pat down his hair.
3. Accidentally spill your drink on his head.
4. Who goes to movies anymore?
Do people still measure the heights of their kids by making pencil marks on the kitchen doorway?
I probably am the last person in the world to see the excellent film "Capote," so I am the last person to know that the movie is not really about two drifters who murdered four people in Kansas in 1959, nor is it about Truman Capote. What the movie really is about
is journalism.
When is the last time you had a really good taffy apple?
Oh, just go ahead and buy that flat-screen TV and stop talking about it.
The only acceptable color for pool table felt is green.
Contrary to popular belief, icebergs are not frozen seawater. They are made up of eons of compacted snow. And so as global warming melts the polar icecap, it makes the oceans less salty, which really screws up the Gulf Stream, which means that Europe will be plunged into a new Ice Age. So if you were planning on vacationing there, I'd go soon. Or bundle up.
Brian Williams and David Letterman have the best neckties on television.
Yes, it is true: Sundaes got their name when blue laws banned the "sinful sipping of sodas" on Sunday. So by removing the soda water, communities were able to
still serve ice cream and syrup. Various towns, including Two Rivers, Wis., and Ithaca, N.Y., claim to have invented the sundae and Evanston, Ill., says the name was coined there.
How do you know when you are too much of an A-type? When you clean the fuzz out of your Velcro.
Raise your hand if you don't know what napery is. (And, no, it is not a crime.)
You can tell a lot about a person by at what point she throws away the old bar of soap and breaks out a new one.
A new feature: Restaurants That Are Actually Really, Really Good: Cochon in New Orleans (which opened just a couple of weeks ago) and 2941 in Falls Church, Va.
I think more and more hotels are using comforters instead of bedspreads so they can skip turn-down service.
One of the few snobs I am not is a wine snob, but Spy Valley wine from New Zealand makes a terrific sauvignon blanc. And you won't have to bother with the silliness of sniffing the cork. There isn't any.
OK, so you want a body mass index of between 18.5 and 24.9. Here's how you calculate it: Multiply your weight in pounds by 705 and then divide that by your height in inches twice. Anything below 18.5 is underweight and anything above 24.9 is overweight. Or,
if all that math is too much effort for you, just have a Twinkie.
"An Evening with Kevin Smith" is about the funniest thing I have seen on TV for years. (And if you don't know who Kevin Smith is, I can't help you. Nobody can help you.)
The hottest substance on earth is not molten lava. It is the tea they serve at Starbucks.
You know it is true: Anything marked "ASAP" can always wait.